Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
