god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
