Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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