she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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