Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
