I just pynch a tree in the face
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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