someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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