i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize