WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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