If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
