Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
