if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
