Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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