Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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