Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
