Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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