I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
do nipples grow back?
Randomize