She is in my trunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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