dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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