SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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