why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
