Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
