He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
