i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
