We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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