I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
