Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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