My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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