My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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