Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
