wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
