don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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