It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You left your phone here
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