went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
