You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
