This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
