I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
