she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
