You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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