Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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