I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
