You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
