So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.