Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You've changed since you got that strap on