if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
