I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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