im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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