AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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