I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish my penis had an off switch
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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