Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This can only be settled by a dance off.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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