I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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