I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
