Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
