Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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