Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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