Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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