If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
