My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
