Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
