paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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