I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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