He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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