Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk is not a location!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
