The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
