Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
