I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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