I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
