Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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