I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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