Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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